i love you all. why do i love you all so much? because you make me smell good, obviously. but aside from that, i love your commercials? why do you guys make mini movies for your perfumes? i don't know, i don't care, but i like it. and it does make me want to drench myself in your scent. i don't even care what it smells like. I JUST WANT IT ON ME. and i want to be famous. SOLELY SO I CAN ENDORSE A PERFUME.
here are some of my faves:
CHANEL. i don't even like nicole kidman. but i like her in this 2 minute movie.
TRESOR. kate winslet i do like. and i also want the love "treasure" they promise me i will get if i wear this perfume.
L by gwen stefani. this woman can do no wrong.
GUCCI by gucci pour homme. i don't even know what this would smell like. but if james franco wears it...I WOULD TOO.
THE ONE by d&g. scarlett johansson, in addition to buying that perfume, i wish you could tell me what lipstick you are wearing so i could buy that too.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
sometimes i make impulse decisions.
sometimes they are good. sometimes they are bad. let's vote.
today, after arriving home from work, i tried to take a nice nap. couldn't fall asleep. tried harder. couldn't do it. growing restless, i thought, "what can i do to pass the time? ... I KNOW. lop my hair off in the bathroom." maybe i was channeling deb from empire records. i was tempted to play this song too, but refrained. maybe it was demi moore in g.i. jane. maybe just sara steenbergh. whatever the case, these are my new locks.
is it a yay? a nay? who knows. and i guess who cares, because it's not like i can glue that shit back on.
today, after arriving home from work, i tried to take a nice nap. couldn't fall asleep. tried harder. couldn't do it. growing restless, i thought, "what can i do to pass the time? ... I KNOW. lop my hair off in the bathroom." maybe i was channeling deb from empire records. i was tempted to play this song too, but refrained. maybe it was demi moore in g.i. jane. maybe just sara steenbergh. whatever the case, these are my new locks.
is it a yay? a nay? who knows. and i guess who cares, because it's not like i can glue that shit back on.
Monday, December 7, 2009
at least hank loves me.
this is a poem dear old hank s. from van boven next door wrote me. albeit from a while ago, i think it still conveys his emotions quite clearly. he likes me better than peter. because I AM ESPRESSO ROYALE.
<< Rocky Has Returned To You, Though Still Healing From Her Fall,
Ready And Willing To Serve Hot Tea And Coffee To Us, All. You'd
Better Be Careful All Of You "Espresso" Folk, To Make Sure That
Rocky Doesn't Slip And Fall, Because She Wouldn't Want To Get,
"Re-Broke". (-: >> [sic]
now no offense to him, but i am not really sure hank ever had a grammar lesson... i mean, why all the capitalization? and the line breaks...don't really make
any sense at
all. nor does the period outside of the quotation marks in the last line. also that is probably the first ass backwards smiley face i have seen in my life. who knew you could mess that up?? anyways, i still appreciate the thought. and hank's increased tipping. i think he finally realized just how little money we actually make.
i wish everyone would spread the christmas cheer a bit more. and by that i mean start throwing the big coins in that tip jar. pennies and nickels are no good to me. now quarters...those are pure GOLD to me. let's see some more of that folks. i mean come on, i have served you coffee for nigh on three years. and how many times have i poisoned you?? maaaayyyybe once? give me some credit. in a monetary fashion. i need to buy wafflehouse a new fur coat. hers is not growing back :(
<< Rocky Has Returned To You, Though Still Healing From Her Fall,
Ready And Willing To Serve Hot Tea And Coffee To Us, All. You'd
Better Be Careful All Of You "Espresso" Folk, To Make Sure That
Rocky Doesn't Slip And Fall, Because She Wouldn't Want To Get,
"Re-Broke". (-: >> [sic]
now no offense to him, but i am not really sure hank ever had a grammar lesson... i mean, why all the capitalization? and the line breaks...don't really make
any sense at
all. nor does the period outside of the quotation marks in the last line. also that is probably the first ass backwards smiley face i have seen in my life. who knew you could mess that up?? anyways, i still appreciate the thought. and hank's increased tipping. i think he finally realized just how little money we actually make.
i wish everyone would spread the christmas cheer a bit more. and by that i mean start throwing the big coins in that tip jar. pennies and nickels are no good to me. now quarters...those are pure GOLD to me. let's see some more of that folks. i mean come on, i have served you coffee for nigh on three years. and how many times have i poisoned you?? maaaayyyybe once? give me some credit. in a monetary fashion. i need to buy wafflehouse a new fur coat. hers is not growing back :(
Sunday, December 6, 2009
a list of things i don't ever want to hear a customer tell me.
WELL. tell me AGAIN.
* "my cat just died yesterday. i have cried so much i have petechial hemorrhaging on my eyes." :: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE CATS? why would you tell me this?!? thanks for ruining my day too now.
* "will you tell your manager your old cinnamon coffee cake muffins were better?" i will but we are not getting them back. we make them in our own baker-- "well they are not as good." well i am sorry but they are freshe-- "they aren't any good. do they teach you marketing when you work here? telling me they are fresher? they don't TASTE good." silence. "i hope i did not offend you." silence. "your face turned rather SOUR." fuck you buddy.
* "this is really DISGUSTING. but i just saw some guy--now i dont know who he was--take a DUMP in the urinal. in the men's bathroom. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE WOULD DO THAT. but it is DISGUSTING. and someone is going to have to clean it up... you are going to have to DEAL WITH IT." okay. this is how i deal with it. like any good manager would (yeah i know, i am not a manager. whatever). DELEGATE. dear peter, someone left you a present. it is in the men's bathroom. kthxbai. also it did not help that the tobias funke of ann arbor was the bearer of this bad news. picture this with long hair. long, dark, greasy hair.
* "you're out of paper towels in the women's bathroom." NO. we are out of paper towels in the WHOLE STORE.
* "my cat just died yesterday. i have cried so much i have petechial hemorrhaging on my eyes." :: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE CATS? why would you tell me this?!? thanks for ruining my day too now.
* "will you tell your manager your old cinnamon coffee cake muffins were better?" i will but we are not getting them back. we make them in our own baker-- "well they are not as good." well i am sorry but they are freshe-- "they aren't any good. do they teach you marketing when you work here? telling me they are fresher? they don't TASTE good." silence. "i hope i did not offend you." silence. "your face turned rather SOUR." fuck you buddy.
* "this is really DISGUSTING. but i just saw some guy--now i dont know who he was--take a DUMP in the urinal. in the men's bathroom. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE WOULD DO THAT. but it is DISGUSTING. and someone is going to have to clean it up... you are going to have to DEAL WITH IT." okay. this is how i deal with it. like any good manager would (yeah i know, i am not a manager. whatever). DELEGATE. dear peter, someone left you a present. it is in the men's bathroom. kthxbai. also it did not help that the tobias funke of ann arbor was the bearer of this bad news. picture this with long hair. long, dark, greasy hair.
* "you're out of paper towels in the women's bathroom." NO. we are out of paper towels in the WHOLE STORE.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
sinus infection? you sure?
...or bubonic plague?
because right now, my bet is on the latter. i am about 7 days into consistently feeling like total shit. dear doctors, what ever you gave me the first time DIDN'T WORK. and sadly, the THOUSAND (1,000) milligrams of penicillin you now have me on are proving only slightly more effective. also, way to make me wait NINETY SIX HOURS to tell me if i have mono (the jury is still out on this one). i mean it's not like anything is going to change in my life if this is the case, but it will sure give me plenty of ammo for bitching and complaining. and allow me to sleep 12 hours a day and not feel guilty. also, i hope the man who was sitting next to me in urgent care got his "gash" fixed. apparently those machines over at lifetime fitness can be quite dangerous if used improperly. his bloody tape/napkin bandage looked pretty serious. like stitches serious.
because right now, my bet is on the latter. i am about 7 days into consistently feeling like total shit. dear doctors, what ever you gave me the first time DIDN'T WORK. and sadly, the THOUSAND (1,000) milligrams of penicillin you now have me on are proving only slightly more effective. also, way to make me wait NINETY SIX HOURS to tell me if i have mono (the jury is still out on this one). i mean it's not like anything is going to change in my life if this is the case, but it will sure give me plenty of ammo for bitching and complaining. and allow me to sleep 12 hours a day and not feel guilty. also, i hope the man who was sitting next to me in urgent care got his "gash" fixed. apparently those machines over at lifetime fitness can be quite dangerous if used improperly. his bloody tape/napkin bandage looked pretty serious. like stitches serious.
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