it's aaaalllliiiiiive!

and by it, i mean MY FAVORITE REGULAR. richard. (sorry richard). i could not be happier to announce that richard lives. and while there was some speculation that perhaps he was working on his physique, this does NOT seem to be the case. sadly, richard still smells as awful as ever and appears to still be wearing the same sweat suit uniform he always did. which led me to mournfully decline the hug he proffered me. it pained me tell richard he should NOT hug me. but i simply could not fathom working an entire SIX HOURS smelling like the indescribable eau de richard.

new information obtained: richard likes forrest gump. richard dislikes borat.

in other news, NO, diag girl who somehow obtained a job at labyrinth, NO, i will not give you change "for the store." regardless of whether or not i can spare a measley 20 ones (i CAN), i will never ever give them to you. you use waaaaayyyyy too many of our condiments for that to be okay. you do not need to add cinnamon, choco powder, honey (barf), and splenda to your hot chocolate before you ask me to put as much whip cream on as possible.

also, dear hipster kid, it is NOT okay for you to buy a drink at another cafe and then come into my store and add milk, honey, sugar, and various powders. your friend's purchase of a drink from erc STILL does not make this okay. especially since it occurred only after i penetrated your soul with my death stares. and stop pretending like this is all news to you. i know various crew members have told you this is UNACCEPTABLE. so stop coming in, i hate you.

finally, for my opinion on parents' weekend: FUCK OFF. i do not want to make you your pretentious cappuccinos and decaf drinks. you do not tip me. you wipe out my pastry case. and you do not bus your own table. also, to the man who i kept asking, "is that all?" and who kept answering, "if everyone has ordered." I DO NOT KNOW WHICH PEOPLE ARE WITH YOU. THERE IS A LINE OUT THE DOOR. I DO NOT KNOW WHO "EVERYONE" MEANS. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CHARGE THE ENTIRE LINE ON YOUR CREDIT CARD?? BECAUSE I CAN. the only thing that made this day bearable was sweet b's idea to play "no shot left behind." that and $7 worth of hummus.