MASH MOB.

~ denise armstrong.

tonight, there was some sort of christmas parade death trap going on down town. i was fortunate enough to stumble upon it. this is my account. a survivor's story.

i should have known better. i should have known when i had to wait at addison for three trains to come before i could squeeze myself on one.

but i decided to go down town anyways. i should have turned around when i saw that there was a line to get out of the subway. but i didn't. instead i braved michigan avenue. and my god, it was a wonder i made it out alive.

scene: the corner of michigan avenue and pearson st.

and the 100 feet south of said intersection. where i was bottle necked into a drastically over crowded sidewalk. think crowded elevator, but more crowded. think subway at rush hour, but worse. think crazy mosh pit at a death metal concert, and you are getting closer. but instead of a little circle pit, there is no room. just an equatable amount of pushing. and shoving. and rocking. and bitching. think a flash mob. now picture getting mashed together into one ameobic like crowd. mash mob.

it felt like this. only people weren't taking pictures. they were trying to walk both directions at one time. and there were children present. these children had i would say about a 30% chance of being trampled in the mash mob. they had another  50% chance of being crushed. they had a 100% chance of being scarred from this event.

people were screaming. push! PUSH! and push they did. push until i was almost lifted off my feet. i was being crushed. the child in front of me was having her arm dislocated by her mother. behind us more people burst out of the border's revolving door.

i imagined bodies stuck and smashed in the door jamb. there were several times i literally thought the bodies would give way and we would all tumble on top of each other. then the "incident" occurred. a (hopefully) intoxicated man accused my dear roommate of "sticking her butt out on him." he accused her of pushing. he accused her of "getting out" of the non-existent line. he became belligerent. demanding she "get away from him." obviously, since we were already ass to ankles in there, this was not an option. after a few more seconds of his shit, i decided to try to intervene. "SIR. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST CALM DOWN." i yelled in a blind rage in his general direction. i attempted to put a hand in his face, but he was too tall. and amid the sea of people, he could not discern the origin of my voice anyways. i was too hidden amongst the tall-sized humans. but it did not matter. the masses surged forwards. finally broke free on the other side.
i seriously do not know how long it took us to wade through this wall of people, but i can tell you that i emerged on the other side weak, shaking, and 3 seconds away from a full blown panic attack. anyways, with new found freedom, we decided to watch the shitty parade. i saw 6 harris bank floats, a good dozen disney characters (wtf? people still like those?), 3 marching bands, a phallic snowman, and a terrifying rendition of phineas and ferb.

but by far the best thing was when rudolph almost broke free and attacked a crowd of people. instead it just got stuck on a tree and then a street lamp. that parade FAIL (almost) made the mash mob totally worth it. i love when shit goes bad.